일(job)에 지나치게 얽히는 것을 조심하자(enmeshment)

Many people with high-pressure jobs find themselves unhappy with their careers, despite working hard their whole lives to get to their current position. Hating your job is one thing - but what happens if you identify so closely with your work that hating your job means hating yourself?

Psychologists use the term "enmeshment" to describe a situation where the boundaries between people become blurred, and individual identities lose importance. Enmeshment prevents the development of a stable, independent sense of self. Many in high-pressure jobs had become enmeshed not with another person, but with his career.

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The work culture in many high-pressure fields often rewards working longer hours with raises, prestige, and promotions. Dan found that spending more and more time in teh office (or tethered to his corporate iPhone) was the price he had to pay for his rapid rise through the firm. However, when you engage in any intense activity for the great majority of your waking hours, that activity will tend to become more and more central to your identity - if only because it has displaced other activites and relationships with which you might identify.

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1. How much do you think about your job outside of the offcie? Is your mind frequently consumed with work-related thoguths? Is it difficult to participate in conversations with others that are not about your work?

2. How do you describe yourself? How much of this description is tied up in your job, title, or company? Are there any other ways you would describe yourself? How quickly do you tell people you've just met about your job?

3. Where do you spend most of your time? Has anyone ever complained to you that you are in the offce too much?

4. Do you have hobbies outside of work that do not directly involve your work-related skills and abilities? Are you able to consistently spend your time exercising other parts of your brain?

5. How would you feel if you could no longer continue in your profession? How distressing would this be to you?

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Decide what's important to you. Establish and review your principles and values. What is most important to you? Think about what you care about in your life, and let those priorities guide you towared what's next. Therapists often use a process called "Values Clarification" to help their clients think through what matters most to them. This process involves reflecting on your desired direction in areas like relationship, community, careers, and parenting, then ranking them in terms of importance to you. You can start by creating and updating a running list on your phone as you think about what is most important to you.

 

 

 

[출처] Harvard Business Review, What happens when your career becomes your whole identity (2019/12)